Been a little while. Hmm... things are nuts. Really and truly.My roommate and I FINALLY found an apartment. It's a little expensive. But no awful, yucky, ewwy, gooey carpet! Plus. Plus. And it's in the med district, so finding a wealthy, sexy doctor to date should be pretty do-able lol* Kidding!! But good gracious... the view! The. View! 10th floor, Highrise, Downtown view. So we get our keys tomorrow night and spend this weekend moving on it and up... Up! Up! Up!

I have a stalker. Not exactly what I wanted in the form of a dating relationship. Kinda was going for the whole mutual attraction thing... Crazy talk, I know. He's this guy I had a 7-minute conversation with in the grocery store. I had just gotten off work and so I was wearing my work gear. He has been going in every day, asking for my schedule, never ordering food. My boss asked me about him, described him, and I was like, NO I don't even know him. Seriously. Not. Okay. We have cop regulars and my boss told them about the guy. So that makes me feel better, but also embarrassed. New girl has a stalker. New girl doesn't know how to live in the Big City. Little Blondy is so vulnerable.

School has started back up, and I haven't bought books. Kinda screwed in that department. Just been so stressed with the moving, animals, my very broken car, looking for a new job, etc. school just kinda snuck up on me.

Okay, well I am in much need of a nap time! Hope the new year is treating you all well!

Feelings

I hate that I allow someone I care about to hurt my feelings so badly. I know he is actually just crazy right now. But I literally cried off and on throughout a friend's birthday party last night because my feelings were so hurt. And thing is, because of circumstances going on I can't even tell him he is a jerk. I can't even text him. Because he was, up until New Years Eve, going to be roommate's with me and my best friend - who incidently was his boyfriend until New Years Eve. So me moving to Houston was supposed to be positive, and I am still clinging to that, but things are falling apart.

J and I have to start completely over in finding an apartment. Our budget is minus a person. And we're cramped like crazy people in an efficiency. Which wasn't a problem until now, when I get back from Paris and 2/3 of us are sad! My other roommate, H is still trying to stay positive. She is actually really good at it. And so was I until I realized I was being judged and talked about behind my back.

Did I mention I got back from Paris and my car won't turn on? That's a joy. I'm starting my job today and I checked yesterday, it's about a 15 minute walk. Not too bad, and I can use the exercise, but goodness I am not a fan of weather below, oh 75, and even then I'm cold! Too skinny and bad circulation lol*

Oh well. I'm going to go get pretty. If I have to wear an unattractive cap I have to be double hott -- DISTRACTION! Jedi Mind Trick! Go!

Yay, first day of NEW job!

New Years Abroad...

Hope everyone had a wonderful New Years! Mine was wonderful and spontaneous. Last Tuesday I got a text from a friend of mine. She said she knew it was last minute, but would I like to go with her husband and three children to....

PARIS, FRANCE

!!!! I kid you not. Thursday she and I flew nearly 11 hours to Paris to meet up with her family and it was WONDERFUL. Paris is beautiful, even cold and rainy.

It wasn't long enough. Not near long enough! But it was a beautiful, perfect experience even for the short time. Delicious food, champagne, walking, great company.

I was such a lucky girl! I never could have imagined I'd bring in the New Year in Paris.

Your Words

I bind together all the love letters you ever wrote to me
I keep them tucked under my bed usually
But under my pillow when I get so lonely
And I want to feel close to your words

In reality you are a man of few words
And that is why I cherish each of them
And I sing my lonely late night love songs to you
I hum to you, knowing you may never hear me
Or see me, but I see you
I know you

And they may knock on my door
But I won't answer
I'll just lie here
Surrounded by paper
Surrounded by the echo
Surrounded by the whiskey kisses I will never know again

I tell myself I'm not wearing black for you
But it isn't the truth
I tell myself that I'm not crying for you
But it isn't the truth
I tell myself I never loved you
But it isn't the truth

I bind together all the love letters you ever wrote to me
I keep them tucked under my bed usually
But under my pillow when I get so lonely
And I want to feel close to your words again

Ramblings about a Toyfriend

Why are men so damn complicated?!?!? LoL*
"I wish. I wish more than anything. But I can't imagine you with all your complexity, all you perfection, all your imperfection. Look at you. You are just a shade... You're the best I can do; but I'm sorry, you are just not good enough." -Inception

In an earlier post I talked about how my Toyfriend told me that he had tried really hard to have feelings for me during these months we've been together but he couldn't. Even though I was virtually perfect... he just didn't feel for me in that way.

That was fine. After shedding an hour's worth of pitiful tears, I came to accept it.

Then yesterday we were texting (we have always texted like 200 texts a day. I'm not exaggerating either. My phone holds 400 texts per conversation, my oldest text is from yesterday at 4:51 pm - so there's been 399 since then. That's crazy talk, right?!?) and he was kinda asking me about if I were going to sleep with anyone else while he was gone. He said it's easier for girls to find sex than guys.
I asked him if he were fishing.

He says he just wants to know if I were going to sleep with someone else or what the deal was.

Of course I jump to the conclusion that he is really asking for himself.

So I say that I don't have any intentions of finding someone else.

"But if something happens I won't be mad at you. You have needs and we aren't exactly committed. And you've told me you don't have those sorts of feelings for me. So I don't want you to feel like you don't have your freedoms"

His response: I wasn't entirely honest about that Monica.

Shit.
Shit. Shit.

What do I do with that? I asked him what he meant. He said it isn't a text conversation.

True fact.

But. But. But.

I have my draw bridge half raised! Most men pull away or dump me and I build a full-fledged fortress wall. Brick by Brick. But with him... it's always been a draw bridge. But do I really want a relationship with someone I even need a drawbridge for?!?

Blargh!!!! LoL 

Dear Someday,

When you're broken into a million pieces you feel nothing. But when you are missing a single piece you feel everything. And I know my patches of duct tape, hot glue gun dabbles, paper clips, and string that have tied and stuck me back together are unsightly, but I am waiting for you to love my stitched up patches for what they are. I hope you one day add your healing touch to this broken Raggedy Ann doll I have become. My hope for you is what keeps my eyes shiny and my feet skipping.

I look forward to the day I can call you mine. And love won't be such a mystery for me any longer. And I won't have to write pretend love songs, poems, letters to a pretend you. You, Someday, will be Today and Forever. And I will be happy.

For now I wait on tip toes for your earth-shattering kiss to come unlock this spell.

Come Quickly!

Yours ~*~ Monica

So it Continues...

Quick note before driving back home. I am officially employed in Houston! So I can soon start being the little girl in the Big City. I am ready for this. I am officially crazy, a nut case about where to find storage for my belongings until we have an apartment...

I mean we found one. It's gorgeous. It has a pool and a porch, washer and dryer, dishwasher and garbage disposal, cute courtyard where we can meet people. And about 5 minutes from my new job and 7 to my Dream Job. Only problem we have right now is: The realtor sucks and there was some flooding during the vacancy, so the wood floors are a little warped, which means we need to talk to the owner about whether he will do something about that.

So it looks like we will have 3.5 people, 2 ferrets, and 2 cats in an efficiency for at least a week.

Joy!

But we will be a happy effeciency of cramped people living the Bohemian Houston dream. Drinking coffee and Tapioca Green Tea, and scraping by on hopes, dreams, and an occasional dead body... (don't freak! My roommate and gay-soulmate, love of my life - works in the morgue. And one day I tell you how he saved the world from the Imminent Disaster called The Zombie Apololypse.

Scary business.

Thank you for joining this epic journey of my life!