Okay, drawing a little away from the pity party of the past blogs... It's the weekend! And classes are over until the Spring. This semester has been a cold case murder all year. I just couldn't get my time management skills caught up. I was originally taking 15 hours and working 2 jobs. When I wasn't serving the grumpy world coffee or dressing ladies in INC (a brand) I was at home or at my Toyfriend's -- procrastinating. Netflix is a dangerous game. Like Russian Roulette.
Don't read my Poker Face...
So now, I seriously have to get in high gear packing up my stuff and finally moving. I am finally making (God can only hope!!) a really great decision. And if you knew me, and maybe readers can one day say that they do, you'd know... I have made some crap-tastic decisions in my life over the last many years.
So now what? By this time tomorrow my boytoy will be gone for a month, and when he gets back I will have moved. And we finally had a talk... and the boy tells me, "That's just it, you are literally perfect. And I've tried I just don't have those feelings for you." Knife. Gut. Blood. And twist. (sounds like a really terribe martini... hmm... mmm... Martini!!)
But it's true. It's our damn chemistry. I know he isn't the one for me, but like the No Doubt song, "I kinda always knew I'd up your Ex-girlfriend" -- and even though after 9ish months & we've never been official, it still hurts. My favorite line from that song... "And I know when I see you I'm going to die. I know I'm going to want you and you know why. It's going to kill me to see you with the next girl. Cuz I'm the most gorgeously jealous kind of ex-girl." But as much as I mentally prepared myself for this day, knowing tonight might very well be the last time he holds me all night... kills me. He's one of my closest friends. And I've watched him pull away, and I've watched him pretend, and it sucks knowing we're both going to be hurting. And yes, I definitely feel like a fool. And I certainly hear my best friend telling me, I told you so! -- though she never would. At least not in such a cliche fashion!
I just have to remember... I am moving! My life will be better. I will be in the big city! Something this little girl has always wanted. And I will (no offense to anyone) be away from a town where the average age is 21. Eww... gross! LoL* Adultland, USA here I come!
It's going to be positive. I am going to be positive. You will see! :)
I just read all of your posts. Anybody who does not wish there was a time machine that could wash away their regrets is not human.
ReplyDeleteBut then again, what's the point of a time machine? I mean, it is all things in the past, whether good or bad, that makes us into who we are today. Do you want to give up who you are and things you learned?
Think of it this way...things of the past that brings us pain today are just life lessons. And the reason why the pain never goes away is so that we don't forget said valuable lesson and make the same mistake.
Your blog had me thinking a lot, therefore it must be good! I'll follow!
Good luck in adultland!
Haha! I really appreciate it. Yay! My first subscriber! Unfortunately, I remember when blogs were simple things. Now there are so many gadgets and competition to make it look cool and fancy lol* And I am just a writer and not a savvy computer gal! So we'll see... Thank you for your encouragement!
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to worry about all those. Gadgets and all are supplementary. What you write is what matters and you've made me a fan! So you must be doing it right, isn't it? :)
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